it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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