Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
