K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
