Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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