I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
