is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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