getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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