I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
