You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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