Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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