I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
