Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's the barista slut.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
