I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
