hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
