If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
