Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
