We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
