idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
