Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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