i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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