I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
