You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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