Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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