just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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