Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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