I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
