i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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