ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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