Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
