census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
