I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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