I just threw up on my dentist
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
