$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
