Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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