My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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