how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
