I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
