your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
