I want to make a zoo with you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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