The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
