I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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