What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
