Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When are your genitals available?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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