Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
