I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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