he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
