Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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