he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
