giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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