wrigley field is MILF paradise
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
