I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
